Overcoming My Identity; The Return of My Femininity

Change yourself and fortune will change with you.
Portugese Proverb

Happy 2015 to all of you!! Once New Years Eve starts approaching, people start asking about New Year Resolutions. My resolution is a bunch of things and the main reason I started this blog.  When I have been asked, I tell them I want to be more feminine. I totally understand feminine is subjective, so I'm going by my personal thoughts on what I believe it means to be "girly". My intent here is not to offend anyone by not having one thing doesn't make a woman feminine so please keep that in mind while reading. 

Since I am looking to the Goddesses for inspiration, I will break down my personal resolution by five different Goddess (I might add more later on) and how I hope they will help me achieve my goals for 2015. 

Hygeia is a Greek Goddess of good health. Many people wish this for themselves or their family in the new year and I am no exception. I need to lose weight! A lot of weight! I have been over weight since I hit puberty. I was always the bigger girl of all my friends and complained about being a size 8 when my friends were a size 0. When I got older I gained a lot more weight and was 240lbs at my heaviest. I was in my early 20's and had a boyfriend of seven years and although I was sad and depressed about being overweight I never did anything about it until my boyfriend broke up with me. After that I dieted and worked out 6 days a week 2 hours a day and lost 60lbs in 5 months. I still wasn't "skinny" and no where near where I should have been on the ideal weight charts (118lbs-132lbs). Since than I have been on countless diet plans, weight loss pills, shakes etc etc etc... and yo-yoed back and forth with weight gain and lost. My husband and I lost 80lbs last year by tracking our calories, walking 2 miles four times a week and taking an appetite suppressant/energy pill. Oct of last year I was at the lowest I had been since high school. Sadly the holidays came and I gained 10lbs and than we started to try to have a baby so I stopped taking the diet pills and I gained more. At the end of March I got pregnant and gained more. I had a miscarriage in May and the depression added in the rest of my weight gain. I am back where I started two years ago and I am tired of living like this! I want the body I have always dreamed of and the amazing wardrobe that I have envied for as long as I can remember.

Hygeia I look to you to help me through this new diet and exercise plan. I need to lose weight so that I can be happy with my appearance and for my health in general. My body aches because of the extra weight. My feet, legs and back are in constant pain. I get winded while walking up stairs and playing with my son. My extra weight holds me back in more things I would care to admit and I am ashamed of how I look sometimes. Which brings me to my next Goddess....

Aphrodite is the Greek Goddess of beauty, love, sexuality and desire. Most days I honestly don't care what I look like. More than 75% of my closet is made up of t-shirts and I have more pairs of flip flops than any other shoe. I don't wear fancy jewelry. I wear my wedding ring and the same few pair of earrings I have worn for I don't know how many years. I pull my hair back in a bun so I don't need to bother with it. I very rarely put on full makeup. I'm rough! :/ I have been a stay at home mom for years so I never had any place to go everyday. I just started back to work in September and I have been trying best best to look nice and professional. Looks haven't been a main priority to me or at least not since my son was born 8 years ago. My husband and son call me beautiful daily but I don't feel beautiful. I struggle with my self love and I have for years. I believe a large part of it is because I am not happy with my weight. I have decided to start wearing makeup more often and to dress up a little nicer this year. If I wear a t-shirt I will try and dress up the outfit the best I can. Its not as easy as buying new clothes since I can't stand shopping (again because of my weight) and I want to lose weight so buying a bunch of new clothes in the size I am now, doesn't make sense to me. I need to love myself. I understand that loving the person I am inside is more important than the outer but I DO love who I am on the inside... I just want both to match. I need to learn how to put me first sometimes and pamper myself at least once a month.

The way I feel about myself on the outside makes it hard to feel sexy. I have a wonderful husband and I should feel sexy when I am with him. Its difficult to explain. I want to bring romance back into my marriage. I know that passion gets lost in many relationships over time but I want to get that kind of relationship back. Not that I am unhappy, because I am very happy but the honeymoon stage has been gone a few years.  
I am asking Aphrodite to help me bring love and beauty and of course... bring that sexy back! ;)

Hera is the Greek Goddess of marriage. Hera has always blessed my marriage. I love my husband deeply and he is my best friend. He makes me laugh and smile and totally understands me. We get along extremely well and when we communicate and work together we can do anything! I am sure ever marriage could be better and mine is no exception. I plan on this year to go on more date nights, romance and have an ever better relationship with my amazing husband! I look to Hera for guidance and ask her for her continuous blessing of my marriage!

Hestia is the Greek Goddess of the home, family and the hearth. Now that I have started working a lot more cooking and cleaning have become huge ordeals. I am exhausted when I get home so I need to learn a better way to clean the house and I really need to learn new fast and easy recipes!
My family is at the top of my priority list and always has been. I would love to spend more time with my son this year and have more quality family together time. I need to make that more of a priority than ever before! We do spend time at cub scout meetings and outings. We go on monthly trips to Disney and now passes to Busch Gardens that we can use and to have fun. All those things are wonderful but I think smaller things like family game night or more bond fires with s'mores are definitely in order. Hestia please bless my family this year and bring great food, wonderful memories and a very happy home!

Athena is the Greek Goddess of arts, wisdom and strength. My artwork is super important to me and it definitely is a huge part of my identity and I would never want to change that. I want to do more! I love painting but I find a lot of time I have a block. I also am running out of space to put them on my walls and storage in my craft room is extremely limited. I have been selling on Etsy but I haven't added any new painting in over a year. I need new inspiration to start painting again and I am hoping I can find that through Athena.
I have lost a lot of the strong independent and extremely confident woman I once was. Before my son was born I was a fighter and it was hard to let people close to me since I was hurt so many times in my past. Once I became a mother I had to change into a loving, nurturing woman that I had never seen myself as. So along the way my old identity got lost. I question almost everything I do and wonder if its the best choice or if its good enough. I find that I act weak and timid and I hate that part of me. Athena please make a stronger woman! Someone who truly believes in herself and has the confidence to concur anything!

-Michele Stevic
www.MicheleStevic.com
https://www.facebook.com/JourneyofaGoddess
Mailing List: http://eepurl.com/baEcqn